My Pink Shoelace

Never in a million years did I think something like this would ever exist and I realized how little I know and how vast the world is, literally.

Here’s a brief transcript:

F.A.’s love the curves, the cascading rolls of flesh. Some of them sort of fancy the cellulite, the love the feel of it. I must feel like velvet to them, because that’s the way they’re touching me – like I’m made of some very plush material.

He would kiss me and hug me and say, “gee honey you look so great. You know, I just know that if you go a little further with another 20 pounds that would look just even better. I couldn’t wait to measure you and we’ll celebrate.”

It’s freeing at first and then you find out that you’re in that trap where you have to keep gaining to hold his interest. Ultimately, these men want to see that they’ve played a part in your gaining weight. Once I got near my top weight I was finding it nearly impossible to walk. I pretty much figured I would die in that house.

If you’re wondering how I came about it then it all began while I was watching an episode of The Biggest Loser, one of the contestants said something about eating themselves to death. Intrigued by that phrase I did a search on Google and it lead me eventually to a documentary about this admiration with fat girls. I do not mean chubby girls but really heavy girls that are medically considered severely obese to morbidly obese.

In this documentary I learned of various terms such as FA (fat admirers), feeders, feedee, and fedeerism. The video’s main focus were Gina and Mark who seems to be living in a feeder – feedee relationship although Mark denies it saying he is not a feeder per say but more of the enabler. Enabling Gina to eat whatever she wants without worrying about her size.

Preference for bigger women for me is just like the preference for the skinny ones and that is truly fine. What bothers me immensely is the idea that there are men like Mark out there. It was clear from the get go that his intention was to see how far he could get Gina to grow big and she did grow up to a point where she could no longer stand or leave the bed weighing 800 plus pounds.

It bothers me as a woman that Gina allowed herself to get that big to the point of total dependency on Mark. She couldn’t even leave the bed on her own, she was basically bed bound and that is downright scary.

Several photos of Gina showing her size progression were shown and it was mentioned that they sold them online earning thousands of dollars from them. I was downright mortified upon seeing those photos and once again found myself dumbfounded at how anyone would agree to let themselves be in that position. The phrase love is blind can only go so far.

It bothers me how Mark keeps referring to Gina as a fantasy several times in  the video and how he directed a video of the last time she was able to stand. The more I watch it the more I’ve come to the conclusion that there is something deeply wrong with Mark.

Eventually Gina had gastric bypass surgery to save her life and Mark’s reaction to it was the like the nail in the coffin sealing my conclusion of how truly disturbed he must be. He said at some point of the video that if they could have afforded it they would still be in that fantasy. When Gina said it wouldn’t be since reality sets in and she’d be dead by then his seemingly nonchalant reaction of, “Yeah” bothers me a lot.

You be the judge and watch the documentary from here.  The woman named Gina who is the main subject in the documentary posted a rebuttal about the documentary and it can be read here. (Source: Womanist-Musings)

Despite having read Gina’s thoughts about the documentary the whole experience still left me shaken and mortified at the existence of such a sexual fantasy subculture.

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