I lay awake last night staring at the ceiling and thought about my life and the things I have done so far and how meaningless they all seem. I was beginning to feel like a mouse on a wheel … doing the same shit all over and for what?
My purpose died 5 years ago and at that time I considered ending it all but thought there’s gotta more to life than this. After all I was only 22 and what do I know about life? Now 5 years after at 27 I find myself in the same state of mind and I have to ask what changed?
Within that 5 year period I thought I was fine … not great but fine but now I’m sitting in a room thousands of miles away from home and my thoughts are taking me back to where it all started. The idea of jumping off the bridge is just too cliche but pills … a gazillion pills enough to knock off an elephant should suffice. A painless no drama passing … in my sleep.
I don’t want to do that here of course, the aftermath of passing away as a tourist in a strange land is rather catastrophic, I think it’d blot out the sun … I’d wait till I get home where my uncle would be there to take care of the aftermath.